God delivered.

My middle son is sensitive, caring, and a very angry boy.  He's the middle child.  He finds it difficult to make friends and his nine year old brother can be cruel.  This afternoon, when he wasn't allowed to do what he wanted to do, he threw his seat belt buckle at the van window.  I, angrily I imagine, told him he was restricted from watching Power Rangers.  Power Rangers are his passion.

During the 10 minute ride home, James called me a b.  An f'n b.  He screamed that he hated me and kicked my seat repeatedly.  He continued to yell these things at me for thirty minutes at home.  He's six.

He's never done this before.  I was afraid to leave him in the house for fear he would break things or hurt his sister or the dogs.  I sat him outside in a lawn chair and sat opposite him.  I prayed that God be able because I was not.  I told James I didn't know what to do and I was praying about it. 

Quickly my anger dissipated as I realized that the words he was using were just the worst words he knew to express himself.  He was hurting and angry.  My focus changed from punishing to helping.  His attitude however changed none whatsoever.

I'm continuing the restriction from Power Rangers and computer games.  I'm going to call about family counseling in the morning.  I spoke to his father and his father spoke to him.  I don't know what else to do. 

James is back to normal though frustrated at his restrictions.  I feel guilt.  I am drained.  I am sad. 

God, the UPS truck just delivered my Eckhart Tolle books.  When I read his words I feel peace.  I feel Consiousness.  I believe this is You.  Thanks you for delivering in time.  My son is in Your hands as I am.  Be able, I'm unable.